Drinking the weather report from a fire hose

“Why are you getting divorced?” he asked. It is such a simple yet intrusive question. I just met Paul and he is a friend of a friend, we have no history and I have nothing to hide or prove for that matter. Most people, when making small talk start out with simple topics. The weather, sports, travel, etc. I always felt like it was good to establish some sort of common base with someone to get to know them a little on the surface before going in for the kill shot. But I feel like playing with this person a bit, so I’ll bite. We’ll have the conversation. Bring it on!

“My husband cheated on me,” I tell him. This is where I feel bad because I know how the next few moments will go. Paul will seem sympathetic and will want to relay a similar story. I will chime in that I had no idea. Paul will appear stunned, shocked, and get defensive for me. The conversations wanders to “You are an attractive woman and you have it all going on! He obviously didn’t know what he was giving up!” Now the road will fork a little as I offer, “Yeah, I know. I was totally blind sided.” Paul then feels bad and continues to talk some about his friend who had a ‘similar’ situation. The conversation is amusing me because it is so familliar. Maybe this is the small talk that he’s used to and from the banality of it, it is kind of like talking about the weather. It’s simple, predictable and since I was not the one at fault it’s an easy conversation to have.

Up until recently this is where the conversation would end. But as of late, I’ve been letting the line out a bit and seeing how far I can go with people. I don’t trust people with my story and feel like it is my cross to bear and that I don’t want to out GH. I’ve been comfortable in his closet, but I am getting ready to move out.

Paul blathers on about his friend who “knew someone” who set up a fake profile on match.com and used to hook up with people and had an affair. “Match.com?” I ask. I guess I asked it in a way that made him think I had never heard of it so he proceeded to explain to me that it is, “just an internet dating site.” “Oh, right. I know all about match. My husband was on dating sites looking for partners.”  Paul missed that I didn’t say “women” so the conversation then goes on for a bit about how those sites operate and how easy it is to be anonymous.

This conversation is starting to tire me. If I met this guy at a cocktail party, I’d find a way to walk away, but my friend left us alone for a bit so I have nowhere to go and neither does he. I am a cat bored with the mouse. Time to pounce. “My husband was on Craig’s List, in the casual encounter section.” Paul’s reaction makes me think like he has not heard of that section.  I am doubtful, but it’s the right response because to be familiar with it puts a whole new spin on the conversation. So, I carry on as if to enlighten him about this unknown area of the internet. “Yeah, you can pretty much post your desire and someone can hit you up with a response. So my husband was out there creating postings that said, ‘looking for a NSA blow job tonight.” I could have swore I thought Paul’s eyes kind of lit up a bit at just the prospect of being able to summon a no strings attached blow job. Then, I offered “He got a lot of responses.” Paul’s voice said, “Oh that is awful… just disgusting!” but his body language could not masquerade the curiosity of it all. Perhaps he really hadn’t seen this area of Craig’s list. I made a mental note to tell my friend that he’s a good catch.

I am ready now. “Yes, it is awful. especially because the responses he was getting were from men.” Crickets. Silence. No reaction. Bet he was sorry he asked why I was getting a divorce. So, he wants to know, I’ll give him the weather report and he can drink it from the fire hose.

“Yup. Men. My husband is gay. He’s been gay his whole life and has been having affairs with men since as far back as he can remember. I found out by accident. I got to see some photos that were hard to ignore. I’ve since learned that he’s met, over the course of our marriage, hundreds of men on the internet. Craig’s List is just one site. There are others that allow you to set up profiles.” I can see that I am loosing Paul and I have to reel it in a bit. “Just like on Match.com.” He nods a little, I’ve brought him back to some familiar territory. Now, back down the rabbit hole, “but unlike Match, you can post pictures of your dick, your balls, your asshole. You can post pictures of anything you think will make you appealing to someone. You can also indicate what you like: are you top or bottom.” I guess I paused like I wanted him to answer so he volunteered, “I don’t know. What is that?” I shake my head. This is actually kind of fun. I say, “do you like to give it up the ass or take it up the ass?” He just shakes his head. No answer, which is good. Again – mental note to tell my friend he may be a keeper.

Then I proceed to tell him how this all works tactically. He’s not had any time to process it all, but that is ok. I open the flood gates. “So you can go to the men seeking men section of Craig’s List and post your desires. Once you decide what you want, you get to decide who you want to give it to you, if your a bottom that is. If you are a top, you look for a bottom. There are some who are ‘vers’ which is short hand for versatile, meaning top or bottom. Then you get to read through ‘stats’ which are statistics. On Match, these would be things like eye color, height, weight, religious preferences, etc.” Poor Paul. He is glazing over but there is no stopping me now.  After all, he did ask why we got divorced. I am going to answer his question. “On these sites height and weight are equally important to dick size, whether it’s cut – Circumcised.”

I barely pause for a breath. I am on a roll!  “So My husband, for example would post something like, ’38 year old 6’1 220 top 6 1/2 cut looking for bottom to play with. Safe DF and DF only. Can host. Send your stats and a picture.” This would translate to 38 year old (which is just one of his many lies, he’s 45 and looks every bit of it), 6 foot 1 220 pounds. with a 6.5 inch circumcised erect penis. He’s a top and wants someone who practices safe sex  and is HIV negative. Drug Free and Disease Free. Hosting means he will entertain at our home or business. He wants to know the statistics of the responder, which typically means, ‘just tell me how big you are and how big your dick is.’ Sending a picture can be what ever the responder wants it to be. The majority of the time, the first round of responses get a dick-pic.” Oh he is so lost, I think. I carry on though, “A dick-pic is a picture of an erect penis. If that is palatable, then they’ll exchange a few more messages coordinating a meeting time then at the end of the conversation, they may exchange face pictures. During this time neither really knows or needs to know the other person’s real name. They arrange a meeting place to decide if there is chemistry. This translates roughly to, ‘lets meet and check each other out. if we like the looks of each other we can go back to the host’s place and fuck’.”

Silence. I have to take a breath and just let him marinate in that for a minute. My friend comes back and Paul reaches out for her hand. “Are you two getting along?” she asked.  Paul smiles uncomfortably. “He asked why I was getting divorced,” I tell my friend.  Paul nods like a trauma patient who can’t speak but know he needs to communicate.

Mission accomplished. I told my story. Clearly I have some work to do on refining it, but Paul was good practice.


One thought on “Drinking the weather report from a fire hose

  1. Love this post. I too want to just lay it all on the line. Open the flood gates and tell everyone just WTF happened. My GH is still in the closet. He is one who sneaks around and then doesn’t admit that yes he is gay. Guess he will have to figure that one out himself. I am moving on.


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