As much as I want to be with GI Joe and as much as I want him to want to be with me, the reality is that I can’t force him to feel something for me. I can’t ask him to be there for me, and while he’s safe and at the other end of my computer, I am going crazy wanting him.
For weeks, there’s been cute, funny flirty banter. A few photos exchanged, and all it does is make me want him more. He gives me what I crave. I feel wanted. I feel special. But really, if I am honest with myself. It is really dangerous for me to assume anything and I don’t want to punish him for the sins of GH.
So, he wants more than me. Or different than me. Or just not me. Or quite possibly, he doesn’t want anyone and is just bored and sexually deprived, just as he said. I shouldn’t make this about me, because it isn’t. I know that, but I am obviously quite damaged and crave an intimate connection that is personal and special. I crave that from him and don’t want it to end.
GI Joe told me he was bored and sexually deprived. He joined the site to see what the fuss was about. He has been honest. Now the question I have to answer is, “am I okay with that?”
I trust him to be honest and he has not told me or done anything that has been less than forthright. We don’t have a relationship where we’ve chosen each other. We don’t have any expectation of commitment. The one thing I can count on is that he breaks my heart it won’t be because of lies and deceit. I am okay with that.