I don’t mean to offend any government workers – but my last encounter with a government official yielded the following gem: ME: “This is the worst customer service ever! You were wrong and have wasted so much of my time where I have to prove to you that you were wrong. I don’t owe you anything.” IRS Dude: “We are not a service organization. We are a compliance bureau and it is our job to make sure you are compliant with the tax law. Send us the proof of your claim and we will evaluate and adjust your account if needed.”
Parallel situation to dealing with the Gay Husband! He is wrong and he owes me but my yelling at him will not make it hurt less or get to the end game faster.
It has taken a while but I have finally forgiven the Gay Husband. Not for being gay but for not knowing how to live an authentic life and being so weak and insecure that he couldn’t face the truth of who he was. I have forgiven him for loving his mother more than his wife and children.
Sadly, his children and I were collateral damage in attempt to protect his mother’s feelings.Yes – he was protecting his mother. Not his wife. Not his children. His choice of allegiance and loyalties not his gayness was the main source of my anger. I couldn’t fathom why would this man get married. His mother had strong religious convictions whereby the Gay Husband believed she would not love or accept him as gay. To date, his worst fears of being alienated by his mom have not come to pass. In fact, she’s embraced him and still loves him. I don’t know how difficult her path to forgiveness was, maybe she is not there yet. but on the outside all of the justification that the Gay Husband had for hiding his identity were not real.
Secondly and mostly, I was mad that I gave up my career and comfortable life for the promise of new life with him where we would own a business in his home town, geographically and emotionally isolating me from all that was familiar.
My life as I knew it is over and forgiving him at least lets me lighten my load in that I put him out of my mind. I don’t snoop, don’t ask the kids questions and have reached a point that I just don’t care. On my part, our communications now have no emotional filter and are mostly transactional in nature.